Mental cruelty

Back, from book out, from OCS, now at home, updating my blog.

It is a eye opening view of OCS today. It is the day when the rest of the Wing's cadets came back from field camp. So do all the rest of the instructors. All instructors in OCS are officers. All of them, do not have the kind hearted look. When I know they are back, I was thinking, "Oh no, Dooms Day".

Why haven't I get myself OOC? Every one including my family encouraged me to stay on and complete the course. I am the chosen few who are able to enter OCS, why should I get myself OOC? Because OCS life is not for me. It is really hell. Of course, it got to depend on which Wing one goes to. Charlie Wing is one of the famous ABC (Alpha, Bravo, Charlie) in OCS.

In the morning, we attended a life saving course and had a test. After we pass, we are able to get a life saving certificate which is valid for 3 years. It feels so weird to do CPR on a dummy. But I think it would even be embarrass to do it on a real man. In shows, the person who is giving the CPR, he would have to give 2 blows of air to the mouth of the person. Notice some didn’t even touch the casualty. The actual way is to close the nostril, and mouth to mouth, leaving no gap, and blow at a certain amount of pressure into his airway and to lungs. Oh my god... I had been like, "kissed" the dummy for so many times just to get the amount pressure right.

Lunch was nothing special but we had Muslim food as lunch is mostly indented for us, SISPEC cross over. Later on, we did some 'sai kang', unloading the stores from the tonner. There are so many things to move. We also had to reshuffle our rooms again. I was initially in the first room near the toilet. Now, I moved to the last room at the end of the corridor. And I am still with the same buddy. I think it is better la... at least we know each other for a week already. By the way, his name is Jeffrey Tan. He is also Lay Lay's poly classmates, and also Shaun Tan's JC first few months classmates. What a small small world.

Booking out is not a easy thing in OCS. In SISPEC, booking out is always a happy one. But in OCS, Charlie Wing, is always about pumping, change of parade or anything the officers can think of. It is never a smooth one. Because of small minor mistakes, we have to do touch up and time is wasted. Book out time is also delayed later and later. I do not know how I am going to survive in such environment. Just now, I almost fainted while standing so long outside my room waiting for the officer to check. In the end, I could not take it and decided to squad and later sat on the floor with permission.

I feel like I am treated like an animal, a dog. I did not feel any kindness out of the officers. I feel low in morale, low in motivation, low in self-esteem, low in courage and low in everything. I am just far too tired. The only officer in the Wing whom is nice will be the TCO.

tata...