Lost of words - Part II

I do not know what I am supposed to do, what I want and what I am going after. There are so many things in this world to choose from, but in the end, there is only 1 choice.

Having given a choice is a chance. Having given no chance is a upsetting.

The question is, how. How am I going to path my own future? Is there a win-win situation out there for me. I could not help but to say, I love you. After so many years, the feelings never change. But will that change in the next few years? Life is so unpredictable. Maybe, one day in the future, you might tell me that you are in a relationship with someone. As long as you are happy, I am happy for you.

There is not a need to be together to be happy. Giving others the chance to be what they want may be a better choice. Bless them. But, still, I will not stop any chance for me to slip away. I will continue to work towards what I am going after.

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Biography

When it comes to writing a biography, I always do not know where I should start. Lets starts from my family and relatives.

I have a wonderful family consisting of my father and mother, aged 50 and 45 respectively, 2 younger sisters who are of age 20 and 17, myself. This year, I am turning 22 years old. My father is self-employed and my mother is a housewife. I can say my family financial income is stable. As for me, I am taking an NSF allowance. And for my sisters, they are studying.

5 years ago, we moved from Bukit Merah, 3-room apartment, to Marsiling, jumbo apartment, because my parents feel there is a need to change to a bigger one as my family needed more room. We all now have our own bedroom and own privacy. More room mean more space. Well, the problem lies here. The more room, the more things there will be. Sometimes, the house tends to look very messy with all sorts of things in it.

Every time when my relatives come to my house, I will try to keep my room neat. But always, it becomes messy again in no time. One of the relative I respect most is my aunt, whom is my father’s elder sister. She has a strong will of living and she is always so cheerful. Being married at a very young age, she is already a grandmother of 6 grandchildren.  My father also has an eldest brother and a younger brother. His elder brother, have 2 daughters who my sisters and I were closest to. During my younger days, we used to play together. Now, they are married. One of them, my younger cousin, had just given birth to her second child, a baby girl a few months ago. My elder cousin, she is holding her wedding dinner this year September. I had not attended a wedding dinner for a long time and I am looking forward for this day to come. My uncle, my father’s younger brother, have a son who is at the age of 10. He is my only relative who knows how to speak Japanese well as he is a tour guild for Japanese. The people who I have to thank much are my paternal grandparents. They have given me such wonderful relatives and father. And they loved me so much as I am their eldest grandson in his family line. I missed them dearly even till now that they had passed away many years ago while I am still in my primary school days.

My maternal grandparents also gave me a loving mother and caring relatives. My mother has 3 siblings, 1 eldest brother, 1 younger sister and 1 youngest brother. Her eldest brother have 2 children, one of them age 20, she shares the same age as my younger sister, and another boy age 18, 1 year older than my youngest sister. 5 of us were playful during the younger days and sometimes we often get ourselves into trouble. My mother’s younger sister has 2 handsome small boys and youngest brother have 2 pretty small girls. Being in my mother’s side June reunion dinner is often something I look forward to and also something I don’t look forward to as well. Food is the one I look forward to. But when it comes to remembering what, who and how to greet them is a headache as I do not always meet them. Her family is just too big. There will always be around 5-6 tables of 10 or more for the dinner.

Now it is time to write about myself. Time really flies. Already, there are so many younger males in Singapore completed there days as NSF. I am now still in the army and I could not wait for my ORD already.

I studied in Alexandra Hill Primary School during my primary 1-6. Now, the school has already merged with Gan Eng Seng Primary School. I feel it is a pity as Alexandra Hill is such a better name than Gan Eng Seng and also, Alexandra Hill is a very strong school in the past. Bukit Merah Secondary School is where I had next level of education. People used to think that it is a gangster school but when I started to study there, I found out that it is a school with a heart. A school that is willing to take in any students in need and from any place in this world. During those days, I had friends from Mayamma, Indonesia, Hong Kong and Malaysia. The old school building had already being demolished and a new premise had being erected on the existing site. The memories of the old school can only be recalled from my heart and mind. It is a school where my closest cousins and my respected aunt’s daughter studied there. We all had being looked over by the same discipline master.

During my secondary school days, I joined the computer club and air rifle club. Computer is always my favorite. Till now, I cannot live without the internet. Air rifle is a kind of sports. I participated in the inter zone competition for air rifle but had no luck. My teacher who is also my instructor took me into an air pistol competition and I managed to get into the 7th position after a few months of training. That would be one of my greatest achievements in secondary school after my O-levels. I did fairly well for it and got a good aggregate of 13 for L1R4. With that result, I can get into most courses in polytechnic.

My first choice was Architecture Technology. Until now, I never regret taking up the course. My passion for it grows each day and multiplied as weeks past. My result in poly is exceptionally well. In the end of 3rd year, I got myself a Merit award and a Cash award from the Singapore Institute of Architects. During poly, I participated in a few events. I went to Melbourne, Tasmania and Sydney for my Industrial Training Program which gives me an eye opening experience of the Architecture in those cities. Also, I volunteered to go to Thailand for a community project, building a small workshop building for a school. Through the experience, I learned to work and learn from each other in the team. In the end, we did even better and did even more things to improve the school environment other than the workshop.

End of poly marks the end of my first phrase of my studying days. I had to wait for my enlisting of NS to come. Between those periods of time, I decided not to work but to enjoy myself as much as possible. I went out with friends, do some catching up with them and did some paintings. I even went for long distance cycling around Singapore Island with one of my best secondary school friends. Even though I stated that I did not work during the break period, I was called up by my ex-lecturer who is also my ex-employer and friend, to make a model of a house for him. He is an architect who teaches me during my year 1 in poly. I worked for him since then. He is the one who spotted my talent in model making. Anything to do with architecture, I will definitely love it.

Before I enlist into army, I was very reluctant. Until now, I still find 2 years 2 months is long for a male. I want to spend more time with my family and also to continue with my studies. Also, by the time I complete my degree course, I would be near 30 years old. When I start my own family, I do not know whether I still have the chance to live until I see my grandchildren in my arms.

There are just too many things I wanted write about me and my family but it is just too long to continue. Writing stories is one of my hobbies!

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First week in Khatib camp

The first week in Khatib Camp seems to be like a month. There are so many administration things to do. First week, we were already thought with some fundamentals of Artillery. Also, homework are given to us to do during this weekend. Fortunately, I managed to finish all of them.

Things are very regimental over there. By the way, I am in the 44th FAOCC, Field Artillery Officer Cadet Course. The way things are going on in Khatib is like in BMT, or should I say, even worst than in BMT?

What makes my life better in the camp is the food. Cookhouse food is exceptionally delicious. Also, we had night snacks every night. No wonder people say artillery officers are fat... hehe... Also, the 5 day work week is the best. At least I do not need to stay half a day more in camp, or else I will die in camp.

I miss my bed, my room, everything in OCS. I felt at home when I was over there. Now, in Khatib, it feels more like a place where I do not want to stay for more than a day. But I got no choice, but sad to say I have to live and get used to it.

I am lost of words now. (Lost of words Part II will be published soon) I do not know what to write. There are nothing much happy to write about my first week of camp. The only thing I could say is, I am very bored in there. Oh yes, Jeffrey is staying in infantry. Did I tell you all about it? I felt happy for him. Training in Charlie Wing is getting tougher, preparing them for future exercises.

I have a dream, a dream which I hope to achieve, to be a professional and caring Officer.

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Lots of homework

I thought only OCS will give homework for cadets to do. I was wrong. Artillery also gives homework, and it is not 1 or 2 but a lot of mathematical calculations to do. I have being doing my work since lunch time till now. Getting breaks in between is necessary as the questions are causing my brain to slowly breaking down into micro organisms.

Even though I had good maths grades in secondary school times, I did not do much of complex calculations every since I enter polytechnic. It is my regret that I had given most of my maths knowledge back to my secondary school teachers.

Nevertheless, I am catching up fast with the lessons in camp. There are more complex calculations to come. Challenge me and will I challenge back.

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First book out from Khatib Camp

I just book out from Khatib Artillery Camp about 1 hour ago. It is one of my worst first book out after OCS first book out. It is really sucks. Tell you all more tomorrow. Now, I have to take my rest.

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End of ST2, Start of Pro-term

19 April 2005, is the day everyone is waiting for, our 23km road march signifying the end of ST2, and the start of our Pro-term. Why 23 and not 24? 23 is such a weird number. Here's the reason. It reflects the 23 weeks of Pro-term in OCC before we are commissioned as 2LT Officers.

Sad to say, I did not participate in the 23km march even though I participated in the senior bar, which is our 3 white bars, presentation ceremony. It is such a waste. Here is the story behind the "unfortunate" event.

On the 18 April 2005 evening, we had our Happy Hours. This time, Officer Cadets from Thailand came to OCS for a visit therefore they are invited to join us and get to socialize with each other. What we found out is that to be commissioned as an Officer in Thailand, they have to undergo 7 years of training. Each year, they undergo training as, infantry, Artillery, Armor and so on. Wow, it takes so many years, I thought. In Singapore, we are fortunate as OCC is only 9 months long.

Happy Hours always have food and drinks. Not o forget, beer, everyone's favorite, but not for me. I always refrain myself from drinking beer, except for wines, my favorite. But on that evening, I drank about half a can of Tiger Beer. I drank not because I like it but because I just wanted to socialize with my friends. It doesn't taste good though, worst than medicine.

That night when I went back to bunk, I found red patches on my neck. I assume it to be just normal rashes. But it turned out to be even worst the next day. Rashes slowly appeared on my body in the afternoon and I only realized it when my friends told me that there are red patches on my face, just before the rehearsal starts. It is getting worst than I thought it would get. I went to the Medical Centre for consultation and the MO told me that I will not be able to take part in the 23km road march.

I do not know it is a good or bad thing. Good, is I do not have to march. Bad, I do not have the chance to experience the satisfaction of marching back to Wing Line having to see our juniors cheering us along the road.

All because of that half can of beer, and I now know that I am allergic to beer. So, no one will ever be able to offer me a single drop of beer. hehe... I only accept wine. When I told my friends about it, they told me that I am not the only person who experiences that problem. I am one of those people out there who are allergic to beer. I am an expensive person.

Monday will be my official start of Pro-term in Artillery. I will be moving from SaftiMI to Kahtib camp. Jeffrey, my buddy, unfortunately, has being posted to Artillery. He received a call from Lt David telling him that he, too, is posted. He always wanted to be in the infantry. I felt sad for him. I do not expect him to be posted there. On Tuesday, when they were moving off for the 23km march, I did some administration stuffs in the Wing HQ Office. And I am the one who was told to withdraw Jeffrey's ROC particulars form from the rest of the infantry group. The clerk told me that he is one of the few who might be posted. I thought there might be hope for him to stay in infantry as it was only a might. Who knows, Thursday is judgment day.

This is just fate. We do not have much choice in where we go in the army. fate.

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Lost of words - Part I

Part I

I am totally lost of words to write and I do not know why. I miss someone but does she knows? I met her and 2 of my best friends yesterday. Happy, is the word to describe. We went Bras Basah all the way to Orchard, shopping. At night, we sat outside Shaw House at MacDonald's Mac Cafe having our cups of iced chocolate and coffee till 11pm. It has being a long and also short day. Unexplainable. I felt gifted to be able to be with my friends the whole day. Maybe someday, I hope I can stay even longer, maybe till the next day morning.

Time really flies. The day ended with goodbyes. We headed our own ways home. When can we meet again? Maybe next week. Maybe the week after. But I know there will always the chance.

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Artillery

Oh yes, not to forget, I am going to Artillery for my pro-term. Wish me luck! My dream of going to support arms comes true! Yeah!!

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Pl live firing and POI !!

Wow... It seems like a very long week this week. On Monday, we had our Platoon Live Firing. I was praying for a easy appointment, for example, firebase. To my relieve, I am part of the firebase. I am one of the M203 gunners who sit on a sandbag on top of the knoll! Haa... I don't even have to prone down on the wet floor. Those who are not firebase have to do the fire and movement drill, up the other side of the hill. From my direction, I am able to see them moving up. Looks very shag to me as the slope is quite steep.

Even though I do not have to prone on the floor, I am still soaking wet. It rained for the whole day and I was drenched during the morning rehearsal. In the end, I got abrasions. What a terrible experience. As a "reward" for that, I got the chance to fire off the White Star Illum. Best of all, it is not 1 White Star Illum, but 4 of them! What a chance. The tip of the White Star round is white, twice the length of normal grenade round. The experience is unexplainable. One word to describe it - Shiok! It feels better than firing the TPT (training purpose) round, aka, Curry Powder. Of course, the real grenade round explosion feels good too. But we did not use that during this live firing as it is quite dangerous.

Luckily, my abrasion is getting better the next day after I applied medication the previous night. Tuesday is the day we are heading back to Pulau Tekong for our POI (Protection of Installation). The Wing is divided into 2 platoons. Platoon 1 together with half of Platoon 2 and Platoon 3 with the other half of Platoon 2.

So now, new Platoon 1, Red Force, which I am in, is located at the Old Malay School and new Platoon 2, also our enemy, Blue Force, is at the old School Camp 2. This is also my first time having to sleep on concrete ground with shelter in Tekong for 5 days. It seems like a chalet. We are allowed to shower in the toilet. Best of all, we do not need to dig to shit! Proper sanitary system. This is what I called, civilization! The platoon is further divided into 6 sections. Each will have a mission and each mission is 8hours long. There are 6 missions spread across the 5 days during our stay; Ambush, Fighting Patrol, QRF (Quick Reaction Force), Reece, PAC/VAC (Personnel Access Control/Vehicular Access Control), and POI (which consist of sentries and prowlers).

My section's first mission is Ambush. It is a night mission therefore we have to be very tactical. Along the way to our ambush location, we had to look out for any enemies. It is one of the most enjoyable missions out of the 6. Along the way, we met enemy's Reece team. At first, we thought they were the fighting patrol, therefore, we took cover in the vegetation immediately seeing them in front moving towards our direction. When they were moving pass us, we fired at them, they ran. Later on, we then realize that they were not our primary target. What's even close is that before we attacked them while we are in hiding, they stopped right in front of us. One of them was even standing beside one of my friend and was talking, never even realize our existence! Haa...

Then, we continue to move on, and we also met the enemy's ambush team. Why do we always get onto the wrong target? Moving on to the ambush site, this time we could not be wrong because there will only be 3 teams moving out of their installation for missions. It is always the ambush team who wins the battle for training purpose. We have to go through the motion and let the enemy learn how to retrograde from an ambush.

The next mission is Fighting Patrol. This time, I had the chance to be an enemy. Not enemy of the other platoon but a group of people who try to disturb the operations of our own installation. So a group of us acted as terrorist with rifles, infiltrate into the installation and killing the Red Forces. It is very exciting even though we were killed in a very short while. Then here comes the FilmCrew. We were requested to run the whole scene again for them to film. Being enemy in the installation is a good advantage. We had a lot of sleeping time. I think I slept until I got a headache.

Third mission is QRF. It is also another slack mission. We were only activated when enemy, like the terrorist attack, is attacking our installation. This time, we were dealing with riot. When we went out to catch them, I was pulled away from my team and became a hostage! But it is also quite good. I can sit in the Rover and enjoy the cool breeze when the Rover moves.

4th mission, we did Reece. It is one of the most tiring missions. We have to go all the way to Camp 2 and get up-close to their installation to get information of their POL. I even ran out of water halfway through the mission. Worst, we were contacted twice and we had to run very fast to take cover into hiding. The first contact is when the enemy saw us walking along the road. The second contact is when someone at the PAC or Sentry saw Kelvin leopard crawl. A few of us fell when we tried to escape. That a shag mission. But in the end, we managed to get the information we needed. Lt Enric lost his map during the Reece mission. But the map was found by me when we had to take cover into the vegetation when a Rover is approaching on the way back to our Red Force installation. What a luck he got. If not for the Rover, I guess his map will be lost forever. By the time we got back to camp, it is already past midnight.

I managed to sleep for 1 or 2 hours when I was waken up by Conan, telling me that I am the next mission, PAC/VAC, section commander. At last I had a commander appointment since I stepped into OCS. PAC/VAC mission is simple. There is nothing much to plan except to organize the time table for shifts and the things they need to know, do and react. My mission was cut half way. We were told to retrieve all the concertina wires around our installation perimeter. We were also briefed we had our last and finale mission. We are going to send out a platoon size out to infiltrate and attack the Blue force, so do the Blue forces going to do to us. I am now part of the POL force doing sentry at on of the OP, Observation Post.

I heard stories about the Old Malay School, scary stories. I never expect to experience it during the stay. But that night, it creeps me. During stand-to, I can hear drums, Malay drums. At first, I thought someone from other OP is hitting the ammunition crates. But as time goes no during stand-to, the drums come to make sense. It is Malay drums we normally hear during weddings or special occasions. Beep beep beep, whistle signaling us stand-down. After the whistle stops, the drum stops. Creepy. It comes from a distance, most likely from the FIBUA (Fighting In Build UP Area, normally we used this to represent a build up area) village nearby. Not only I heard it, everyone in the Malay School heard it. It is not once, but twice, during another stand-to and stand-down.

Forget about the music I heard, it is very distracting. At night, visibility is poor. That’s why NVG, Night Vision Goggle was invented. The whole night during the mission, I was quite active. I used the NVG to scout around the area for any movements of the enemy. Looking through the NVG is fun; it is even amazing when I point it up into the clear dark sky. What do I see? Stars of course! I see hundreds and thousands more stars from the NVG than from naked eyes. The stars are beautiful. I could not think of any other words to describe it. It even the faintest stars were brightly seen through the NVG. As a astronomy fan myself, I enjoyed looking up the sky so much. Looking at stars through NVG stands second place before looking up the sky for shooting stars which I experienced when I was in rural Thailand more than a year ago.

Blue Forces arrived and tried to get into our installation, but were killed twice as we kept throwing grenades, simulated by light sticks, at them from high ground. They were completely wiped out as they concentrate their forces at one of the gap around our installation. Therefore, we were banned to use grenades and allow the enemy to infiltrate for them to go through the motion of having to attack us in FIBUA and over-run us.

After the mission, we retrieve most of the stores we needed to bring back to mainland and went to sleep. We moved out in the morning by Tonner, took a ferry to mainland and bus to Wing line. Cleaning the rifle is a tough job, especially pulling through the barrel. The carbon was very thick. Luckily I cleaned the other parts of the rifle in Tekong. It is much of the barrel to be cleaned. Later, it is book out after lunch!

Saturday, I spend my whole day resting at home. Sunday, at last I can have a whole day out shopping at Causeway Point with Yong Kang. I bought a few VCDs and music CDs. Time always seems to past so fast during weekend.

Now, Monday, I have to book-in at night. My buddy, Jeffrey, have to book-in by 3pm for his 16km road march he missed the other time. Oh well, that’s all folks. Time to enjoy my last few hours at home.

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Boring week

It had being quite a boring week in camp. Most of the days, we only had lectures and more lectures. And not to forget, a lot of fatigue duties. We had to clean and return all the stores we borrowed from QM and also the commissioning parade fatigue duties which had ended yesterday night.

Yesterday, a number of us from my platoon was part of the carparking wardens. We are supposed to be only in-charge of the car traffic coming into the camp to the carparks allocated to them. It had being a long, busy, but exciting job. During the night, it is chaos. From out of no where, guests start pouring into one of the carparks, carpark G, and waiting for buses to pick them up. But there are no buses available there. We had no idea why they went there. Where had the Hotel Wing's marshals gone? Guests start to get impatient and 2 of my friends got scolded by the guests and even got their names written down.

It is really not our scope of job. One of my friend at the carpark G ran all the way down to carpark I to get one of the buses over. It is like a ET run. "They are just cadets. They are useless" is the comment my friend got by one of the guests. How can he say such a thing? Is he trying to say that his son was also useless? Sometimes life is just like that. There is nothing in this world we can do it perfectly.

It had being a very short weekend this week. Coming week is our platoon live firing. I got a 2nd M203 appointment. I always wonder why I am not holding any important appointments till now. Maybe it means I am most likely going to Artillery, so instructor is giving the appointments to the others who are staying in Infantry. Or maybe I am staying in Infantry therefore they hold my appointment back till when I am in pro-term, I will be given a more important role. But I really wish I am able to get into Artillery.

Sometimes I really wonder if I am in a very welfare Wing. Since I joined OCS as a cadet in Charlie Wing, I attended a number of Happy Hour. Hotel Wing was said to be welfare but they seldom have any of it, even thinking of having long weekends. I feel I am quite fortunate to be in Charlie Wing at this period of time. The day before the commissioning parade, we had our Happy Hour at the pool. BBQ and buffet were organized and we were allowed to play in the pool. And we really played. Some of us were tossed into the pool, including myself and some were even stripped naked. Luckily I was not one of them.

Time seems to fly fast and sometimes it is so slow. Another 6 more months, I will be my turn to commission; if I had that chance. Who knows what happens to me during the course before commission. Life is so unpredictable.

Forgot to say about the 16km road march on Thursday night. It had being months since I had my last 24km road march during BMT. It is very tiring and it is even worst when I was not feeling well being having flu that day. But luckily the H20 saved me some of my life even though I was almost dead at the end of the march. The pace was quite fast; covering 4 km in about 50mins. We completed the whole march in about 4 hours with a slow, about 500m, jog back to Wing line. As I always say, my Wing Commander is too 'garang'. At least I am still surviving here. And it really builds up my endurance.

So far for now, I am going to enjoy my last few hours at home. See you all next Saturday when I will have another long weekend. Pulau Tekong, here I come again!

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